What Do I Really Want?

I've asked myself this question.  What do I really want?  I'm afraid that too many times my answers--if I'm being totally truthful--are completely self-centered. 

Here are some of my answers:

• I just want everyone to be happy.  (Sounds noble and unselfish, but it's really not.  I'll explain later.)
• I just want everything to go right for once.
• I just want  this (whatever it is) to be easy.
• I just want to know what's going to happen . . . or when it's going to happen . . . or how it's going to happen . . .

See?!  Self-centered.  If I want everyone else to be happy, then I think too much about what other people think about me and about what I do.  If I just want everything to go right for once, then I want everything to basically go the way I want it to go.  If I just want things to be easy, then I don't want to do work, or make a sacrifice, or give of myself to the point where it's uncomfortable.  If I want to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, and how it's going to happen then I don't really want to have faith in my God.  I guess that answer also shows that I want to be in control, and I (in essence) want to be God so that I can know what's going to happen and when and how.

Here's the answer that I want to be able to give to this question:  I want Jesus.  I don't want my own way, the easy way, someone else's way, etc.  I don't even want Heaven, redemption, forgiveness, freedom, etc.  Now I know what you're thinking--she's nuts!  What is she saying?  I'm saying that I want Jesus.  Because having Jesus includes (and is not limited to) Heaven, redemption, forgiveness, freedom, etc. 

I want to want Jesus more than anything else.  I want to know Him.  I want to be like Him.  I want to be with Him.  I want to be all-consumed with Him. 

What do you really want?